Never Really Knew
by Do You Wonder
Summary: James is sick in bed on his birthday. Undoubtedly the worst gift ever. But is the illness more than what's expected of a common cold? My first Sicfic. Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

_**OMFGBTR! Happy Birthday Jamie! I LOVE YOU! Whoa. I just said that out loud. Now I know I'm insane… Anyway, I bet the new episode "Big Time Merchandise" was THE bestest ever birthday present ever! AAAAAHHH! I am still totally fangirling! SMELLEVATE! O_o**_

_**Enjoy this story about James' Birthday! Just so you know, it is NOT a One-Shot…**_

**_Disclaimer: If I owned Big Time Rush...I would marry Kendall or Logan and then send myself some BTR Horse shampoo, Toilet brushes, and Action Zombie Flying Figure Thingamajiggers..._**

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The moment his eyelids fluttered open, the sunlight flooded his vision. James lifted his hand and shielded his eyes from the blinding light. As he adjusted to the brightness, he glanced over to the other bed in the room, which usually housed a sleeping Carlos on a sunny Saturday like today. Oddly, the bright red covers had nothing under them. James swung his feet off his bed and made his way to the bathroom. There was no sign of anyone anywhere.

As he opened the door, he noticed that he was more tired than when he had gone to sleep last night. He also had a dull headache. He closed his eyes for a brief moment and sighed. Opening them, he grimaced at the sight of his reflection. His usually vibrant tanned skin was strangely pale, and there were bags under his dark brown eyes. James groaned and washed his face, and applied concealer to hide the dark circles. Today he didn't really have the energy needed to spend half an hour on his hair. Yawning, he plodded to the kitchen for some cereal. He had just pulled out a bowl when he heard a scratching noise from behind him. Putting down a spoon, James cautiously approached the couch.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!"

One second he was standing upright, and the next, the tall brunette was curled into a ball on the floor, clutching his throbbing head in pain. Hyperventilating, he groaned and felt himself be pulled up from the clammy tiles.

"James. James! Can you hear me?" A vaguely familiar voice aroused him from his stupor. Vision blurred and head still aching, James slowly opened his mouth and tried to put weight on his feet.

"Oh. My. God. WE _KILLED_ HIM!" Carlos could be seen and very much heard in a panic, pacing back and forth, fidgeting.

"Relax, he's okay. He just fainted," reassured Logan after he had splashed James' face with water. "Bring some food and a full bottle of water."

James slowly came to, and sat himself up on his knees. He rubbed his temples and shook his head, dazed. "Did I faint or something?"

"Yeah. When was the last time you drank fluids?" Logan asked, concerned.

"Uhh…I think…last night before dinner." James' words seemed slurred, and his movements were still sluggish.

"Well, okay. Get up to bed and we'll bring you some food." Kendall, Carlos, Mrs. Knight, and Katie knew to stay out of Logan's way. He was the junior doctor, and knew nearly everything you could imagine. James clutched onto the countertop, and heaved himself to his feet. He was now sweating and shivering. But before he could take even one step, he felt incredibly lightheaded and swayed on his feet. Logan, seeing the impending injury, instinctively steadied his friend by the shoulders.

"You all right?" Logan helped James take a few footsteps forward before an answer came.

"I-I-I think I-I'm s-sick, Logie." James had never been so frightened in his life. Never before had he fainted, or been so sweaty and shivery at the same time, or felt so incredibly gross.

"I know, Jamie. You have a fever and a cold."

"Th-that's it?" He felt a little better now, knowing that it was just a cold. But you can't faint just from a cold, can you?

* * *

James was now resting, trying to get to sleep. But he couldn't, not when he felt like a Hot Pocket in a freezer. Logan was still trying to get the fever of 101.9 to break, by keeping James covered in icy-cold washcloths. And adding to the long list of horribleness, he was completely congested with a stuffy nose and cough. There was nothing James hated more than being sick. The barfing, the sweating, the shivering, the snot, the sluggishness, and the barfing. He hoped with all his heart that there was nothing wrong with his stomach. The only thought going through his mind was, "Eeewwww. I feel like crap." Although he knew that everyone was doing their best to help, James couldn't stop feeling sorry for himself.

So he lay there, feeling the washcloths lose their cold against his burning skin. He heard the door creak, and all his friends piled in.

"Hey, we heard you were sick, so we came to visit." Camille said, tossing her brown hair to the side with a wave.

"Hey, dude. I wrote a song for you." Guitar Dude lifted his instrument and sang, "James, we hope you get better soon!"

"I brought Plungy," Buddha Bob said, waving his favorite plunger.

Kelly nudged Gustavo, who reluctantly held out a bouquet of flowers. "We uh…came to say hi and…you know, we, uh, we're all really bummed out that you're sick." As much as Gustavo hated showing affection to his Dogs, you could tell in his eyes that he really was upset.

"And…and you can use my Sippy-Cup if you want to. I put Mountain Dew in it." Carlos smiled and set his special blue sippy-cup on James' bedside table.

"And the best part! Your fever has reduced to-" Logan stuck a thermometer into James' ear and when it beeped, checked it. "-Ninety-nine point three. So now you can enjoy this cake, handmade by Kendall, Katie, and Mama K!"

The three came into the room holding the largest birthday cake a guy could ever want. It was red and blue, with orange icing spelling out "Happy birthday, Jamie!"

James grinned from ear to ear. He had never been so happy on a sick day. No, he had pretty much never been so happy. "You guys, a-all of you. You g-guys are amazing. Really. Th-thank you."

"Time for cake!" shouted Mr. Bitters, wearing a rather large cone birthday hat. "When I heard that one of my Hockey-Head Hooligans got sick, I realized that I wouldn't have anything to do today, because there won't be anyone causing ruckus in my lobby. So I came!"

James decided to be nice to him, this one time. "Thanks, Mr. Bitters." The grumpy PalmWoods manager was smiling, something that you don't often see.

When the happy birthday song was over, James was even happier than before.

"Now blow out your candles!" Katie cheered from beside him. James didn't have to think.

"I wish for today. This is the best birthday ever, even though the getting sick part was the lousiest present I have ever gotten. I have all my friends here, and the only thing that could make it better is if this cake had strawberries in it."

"I knew it! I knew he would like strawberries! I _told_ you!" Kendall exclaimed. James gasped. You wouldn't have guessed it, but strawberries were James's secret weakness. He blew out the candles and everyone cheered. Although he was sick, James David Diamond might as well have been the happiest person on Earth.

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_**It's a strange place to end a chapter, but you know.**_

_**I loved the new episode! Logan got pantsed by James and Kendall and Carlos in third grade! Apparently they have Katy Perry horse shampoo and One Direction toilet brushes! I want one of Zayn! AAAAHHH! Those action dolls were so stupid. BUT I WANT THEM! **_

_**Action Kendall: "Action Kendall make a boom-boom! Better change me!"**_

_**Real Kendall: "I DO NOT SAY THAT!"**_

_**OMFGBTR they named their perfume SMELLIVATE! And they added pulverized hockey puck… ;)**_

_**Hahahahahaha…I laughed so much. My dad came in the room when I was watching and was all like…Uhhhhmmm…I'm gonna leave now.**_

_**Happy 22nd birthday, James David Maslow!**_

_**Peace love, and ELEVATE!**_

_**P.S. I realize this birthday wish is eighteen minutes late…DANGNABBIT!**_


	2. Chapter 2

**_Hey y'all! I am SOOO sorry that I haven't updated in like, three years. This chapter is WAY TOO short, it's mostly compiled of a really long A/N at the end. It's probably not even a chapter. More like a paragraph. I am really really sorry. Hope a little Jamie angst will make you feel better…_**

**_Disclaimer: If you don't sue me, I won't sue you… :)_**

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James awoke the next morning feeling exactly the same as the day before. If possible, he felt worse. He lay in bed, staring at the ceiling, without any energy. Without warning, Logan burst inside.

"How are you feeling? Are you hungry? I brought some toast. Did you have enough water to drink?" The raven-haired boy furrowed his brow and flinched as James shrunk back and clutched his head. "Sorry! I'm just worried…I didn't mean to make your headache worse."

"Wh-whatever. Just make sure everyone k-keeps quiet today, okay? Loud noises make me dizzy and- and it's like my brain's too big for my head, Logie. What do I d- do?" James whispered.

"R-right. Just take these pills-" Logan put two bright red capsules on the desk along with a glass of water. "-and eat your toast. Your fever is pretty much gone, although you're still very nasally congested. Stay in bed and try to get to sleep. But…" He stopped. James looked at him, almost pleadingly. "I see you're irritated by all my doctor talk. Drink all of that water and I'll check on you in an hour."

Logan smiled sympathetically and carefully shut the door. James lay in bed, staring at the ceiling. He searched for pictures in the ridged patterns, without any other thoughts. He heard Carlos and Kendall having a water gun fight and Logan telling them to shut the hell up. He wanted to be a part of that, although he thought bitterly, "I can't. I'm tired and sore and congested and my throat is scratchy and I feel icky." He reached up to push a strand of sweat-matted brown hair out of his eyes. At the touch of his wet forehead, James shuddered and buried himself more under his blankets. Blowing his nose one last time, he gulped down some water and fell into a fitful slumber…

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**_Hope you liked it! This was probably my most detailed description EVER. But it's too short, I know. I couldn't think of anything after that last part, haha. Hopefully my next chappie will be longer!_**

**_Okay, this next A/N is rated M for severe swearing. (probably…) You can skip it if you want._**

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AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! I went to the BTR concert in Mountain view I was so fuckin excited OMG! I made a poster that says I heart Big Time Rush and I was like AHHH! When it was finished haha. And so on the 22nd of july I woke up in the morning and started squealing! I was thinking DAMN! I am so fking crazy I am gonna see my boys I am LUCKY AS SHIIIIIT! So then I put on my fave plaid shirt ya know like Kendall Plaid…haha! And I picked up my poster and my dad and I drove allaway to mountain view with my Sixteen year old cuzzin brother! And so we got there and my mom called and said, didja bring your camera, and I said yes. Apparently I wasn't supposed to bring it but I still did and I got an epic video of them singin BOYFRIEND! Anyway, we got there and me and my cousin were standing in line and I was jumping up and down and squealing and AAAHHH! Then these random dudes riding bicycles came out of some tour buses and I didn't know who they were. But then these girls started screaming, "CODYY! CODY! WE LOVE YOU CODY!" It was fuckin cody simpson who is this Australian fifteen year old singer dancer hottie with blue eyes and blond hair and freaking sexy omg. I got this amazing picture cody was like ten feet in front of me AAAHHH! But then he left. Blah. Okay so then we got inside and I was so excited and my cousin was yelling at me to shut up but I didn't! I bought this epic tshirt with BTR faces on it and I was staring at it for like ten minutes. These girls passed us and they were holding a five foot big LOGAN FACE! It was fuckin awesome. When the concert started we were in the twentyfifth row and it was AMMAZINGGG! Rachel Crow came on first and I didn't care but then cody simpson came on with his hotttyness and I was screaming my head off. He was talking in his accent and said, "Now you don't mind if I get a little comfortable with all you pretty girls?" and everybody was screaming. Then he took of his jacket. Seriously, he is legitimately buff. I was just thinking the whole time FUCK HE IS HOT! And then he sang "Call Me maybe" and it was so…AHHH! Then there was this timer for fifteen minutes and at every minute everyone would scream. At ten seconds, you would have thought a bomb went off in the stadium. AHHH! And then kendall and logiebear and Jamie and carlitos came and they were singin elevate and jumping on trampolines and I was screaming my butt off. Then they sang other songs. My all time favorite was Love me love me. They had this really awesome dance and they were singing perfectly. They did 'City is ours" and when they said, We pull up, open the doors all the girls scream "There they are!" All the people screamed there they are! You could barely hear them sing, it was so loud. Then they did a bunch others like Boyfriend. They sang JB's Boyfriend and it was thirty eight times better than Bieber's. Epic. They did "Worldwide' and when they asked for four people to come up and help them sing I was screaming my face off and I jumped up on the seat in front of me and I was dancing and screaming and holding up my sign. Sadly they didn't pick me. They picked one of the giant logan-face girls and this forty year old lady and two other girls. Yeah. A forty year old lady. Her shirt said, "Never 2 old 2 be a rusher." I was sad that they didn't pick me, but whatever. Then they did "Halfway there" and they ran up into the audience and sang from in the audience. I was near the stairs and when Kendall and Carlos ran up the stairs I pushed past everybody and tried to stick my arm out. But this fat lady was in front of me and I didn't get to touch them. BUT THEY WERE THREE FEET AWAY FROM ME! And when they finished singing they ran back down the stairs and this time I was READY and I stuck my had out as far as it would go and I TOUCHED CARLOS'S JACKET! AAHH! That was pretty much the highlight of my life. BUT KENDALL's FACE WAS LESSA THAN A FOOT AWAY FROM MINE! SERIOUSLY! I THINK HE LOOKED AT ME! I really can't be sure, because I was blinded by happiness. AHHH! So then the rest of the concert was AMAZZING! They sang Windows Down and I still don't have my voice back. When it was over I was still screaming and going 'WOO HOO!'

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**_Again, I am so sorry about the screaming and yelling and cussing and for wasting your time with this pointless Author's Note. I'm really sorry if you want to punch me right now for being so annoying. I understand... :) I PROMISE you guys that the next chapter will be much longer. PEACE AND LOVE AND ELEVATE!_**


	3. Chapter 3

**_OMG, I'm sorry for not updating earlier. I feel so mean. Anyway, this chapter is for Carlos. I wish him an amazing 23_****_rd_****_ birthday and this chapter is dedicated to our little brother, Carlitos! :)_**

**_Disclaimer: I own nothing._**

**_Oh and PS, this part of the story takes place about a week and a half after the last chapter._**

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"James, we just met with the doctor."

"He has bad news."

"You don't have a cold."

"Or the flu."

"It's much worse than that."

James stood in the center of the living room, sweating profusely. He was paralyzed, unable to move any part of him, as much as he tried. Kendall, Logan, Carlos, Mrs. Knight, and Katie were all sitting at the dinner table, all looking as perfectly fine as any normal day. There were five dishes set at the table. Only five. James couldn't move. They were all talking and laughing, as if their best friend for twelve years had never even existed. Suddenly the floor collapsed, and the brunette found himself, arms flailing, too terrified to scream.

* * *

"It's gonna be fine."

James snapped his eyes open at the sound of a voice. The voice was soft and quiet, but he was so out of it that the voice didn't register in his head as belonging to Carlos. He groaned and rolled onto his other side, where he opened his eyes a crack and saw Carlos with a worried look etched across his face, holding James's unmoving pale hand in his own.

"C-Carlos?" he managed to croak. His throat was dry and parched, and his head pounded harder with each passing moment.

"James, just stay there for a minute. I…I gotta go get something." He winced at the lie he knew he was blowing, but he jumped up from the floor and ran out of the room, shutting the door behind him. He leaned against the cold wall, utterly terrified. It had struck him that James could be seriously ill. Sick enough to have to go to the hospital. He slid down the wall, and was too deep in thought to notice that he was on the floor. He shuddered at the thought, and just sat, pallid and mouth agape, for a few moments. _What's gonna happen? _He thought. _I'm not a doctor like Logan. He and Kendall are asleep. It's five in the morning, and they're both going out later and won't be back till seven. Even worse, Mama K and Katie went to visit family._ He held the blank stare and got off the floor to get some water for James.

Still lying in bed, James fought the sleep that threatened to come. His eyes were weighed down by a thousand pounds, and getting heavier by the second. He didn't know what to do. He put every ounce of his energy into staying awake. He heard the door cr-r-r-eak and Carlos peeked his head in. He quietly stepped into the room, holding onto a glass of water as if for dear life. "Hey, James. I…I brought you some water." He grinned, but it was so fake that anybody would know it. Carlos pulled up a desk chair and sat next to the bunk bed. He handed the sick boy the glass, being extremely cautious. If he didn't, he worried he might…break James.

"Thanks, Carlitos." He took the water using his special nickname for his friend. He raised the glass to his lips, his hand shaking like a leaf.

"J-James? Can I ask you a question?" Carlos asked, voice quavering, uncertainty laced through it.

Managing a weak smile, James chuckled. "Technically, you already asked me one." He could see the worry in his little brother's eyes. "What's wrong, buddy?"

His "little brother" looked down at the floor and twiddled his thumbs. "It's just that…well…" he paused for a moment to organize his thoughts. James waited patiently to hear him out. "What…what's gonna happen to you?" Carlos looked up hopefully for an answer.

"I…I'm not sure what you mean, Carlitos." He knew perfectly what his friend meant. He just didn't have the courage to tell the younger boy that he really truthfully didn't know.

"When you were sleeping, you were whimpering and breathing real heavy and you wouldn't stop moving." Carlos said quickly, wanting to get the negative words out of him. "I just…got up to go to the bathroom and when I came back, you were… I rubbed your back and held your hand until you woke up." He took a deep breath. James's eyes were filled with fear and trepidation. "I was worried. I do that for my little sister when she has nightmares…"

James laid his head back on his pillow and sighed. Opening his mouth to say something, he closed it again when Carlos started talking again.

"Are…is everything all right?" The Latino pressed his lips into a tight line and pulled at a loose thread on his pajama pants. "Because…I want you to be all right."

"Carlos, it's…everything is fine. I just-I don't know what's gonna happen to me, either. It's like a little pinprick in the back of my mind that reminds me every five minutes that something might not be right. I had a dream that…you all were living normally, and I wasn't there. As if I was watching the world after I had already died and-"

"James, you're not going to die. You can't die. You're not going to die. You're stupid for thinking that you might die. I have to stop saying die!" Carlos squeezed his hands into fists so tight that his fingernails began to cut into his palms. "I'm worried, James. You've never been sick this long. You haven't even been getting better, not one bit. I just want everything to be normal! You've been like this for pretty much a week and a half. It's the same thing over and over again. Logan gives you medicine, you sleep half the day, eat toast, get up to pee, take more medicine, drink a billion bottles of water, and sleep till morning. When will you get better? Who knows, you might be getting worse!" He hadn't realized that he was standing. He uncurled his hands, and let out the breath he didn't know he was holding.

"Carlos, I need you to relax. Just…come sit here with me." James patted the empty space on the bed next to him. Carlos rubbed his temples and sat. "I'm sorry, I just…" he trailed off.

"I…I understand, Carlitos. I'm just as scared as you are. Maybe even more. We just have to tough it out and come up on top." James sat up and threw an arm over his friend's shoulder.

"But-but what if we don't come out on top?" He looked into his older brother's eyes, pleadingly.

"If we don't come out on top, well that means that's as far as we ever could have gotten and that we tried our very hardest. And we can always say, well at least I'm not getting eaten by a lion." James smiled, giving Carlos a one-armed hug. "We'll be fine, I promise." He tried to sound as not sick as possible; he didn't want to stress Carlos out even more.

"Yeah, I guess you're right." The smaller boy lay with his eldest brother, holding onto his arm, not for his own life, but to keep James from slipping away, like they both feared. As the wall clock ticked away the minutes, the pair fell asleep in each other's protective arms.

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**_Okay, I just adore Jarlos bromance. Not in a slash-y way, but as if they're brothers. They are brothers. Haha. Again, I wish Carlos a very amazing awesome birthday and I hope he 'rules the world' and 'elevates a little higher!' I hope he knows that I will always love him. Yup, I actually wrote that. O.o Okay, here's a few of my favorite Carlitos Quotes:_**

**_"He's so TINY!" -Carlos_**

* * *

**_Gustavo: "You'll probably just slice off his arm with a hockey stick."_**

**_Carlos: "Cause that would be bad, right?"_**

* * *

**_Carlos: "Violence!"_**

**_Random Dude: "Carlos, violence is never the answer. The correct answer is seven."_**

* * *

**_I realize that all of these quotes are from one episode, "Big Time Blogger." Sadly, that's the only episode I could watch this week and find quotes. :(_**

**_I wanted to write something better for Carlos's Birthday, but I couldn't think of anything. So yup. This is probably my saddest and most detailed work. Yay!_**

**_Stay tuned for updates! PEACE AND LOVE AND ELEVATE!_**

**_xoxoWonder_**


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